Just Get Up and Go

I suffer from depression and from anxiety. That sometimes means not being able to do things I want even when I want to do them really badly. This means writing my blog, cooking, going to the library, or even sometimes just sitting on the couch and playing my ds games.

I get lethargic and don't want to get out of bed. If you let me I could probably sleep my life away and only wake up to shower and eat. I get scared. Sometimes the anxiety is so bad I can't answer the phone or make important calls i need to. Sometimes I can't go to places I want to or do things I want because I'm afraid everyone is scrutinizing my every move. I'm not that self centered but that's what my anxiety tell me even if I logically tell myself no one even cares.

It's a struggle because I truly want to do these things. But from now on I'm just going to try to live by "just get up and go". In reality it's not just get up and go. I have to psyche myself up for it. Make myself feel willing and able. If i can't that's fine, I'll try again. If i can, even better.

What I'm really trying to say is I'm trying to help myself. Put on makeup so I feel better about being "looked at", forcing myself to go out and do things so I don't waste away, writing in my blog. I'm sorry I really haven't written. I probably still won't be consistent, but I am trying.