Bonus Post: Nameless Poem I Wrote

It's months until I see you again 

Half lidded eyes and a smile at my doorstep

No time for hellos

Hungry kisses

Strong hands

Grasping, choking

Gasping, fading 

Heated "I love you"s in my ear

And gone before dawn

Like a ghost in the night

It's months before I see you again

Like hearing an old favorite song

At the county fair carousel 

I suddenly can't get enough

Purple flowers of our love bloom across my skin

The only proof you exist

Then you fade away like a shadow in the night

It should be months before I see you again

But the weeks continue to pass

The colors bleed out to black and white 

Like an open wound on the earth

I know the truth

You won't be back 

The burning passion I'll never feel again

Doused out by grey skies and rain

A world of shadow 

Where I can never find you again

(Inspired partly by the writing prompt "what if the world was black and white and when you met your soulmate it gained color then when they die it goes back to black and white")

Just Get Up and Go

I suffer from depression and from anxiety. That sometimes means not being able to do things I want even when I want to do them really badly. This means writing my blog, cooking, going to the library, or even sometimes just sitting on the couch and playing my ds games.

I get lethargic and don't want to get out of bed. If you let me I could probably sleep my life away and only wake up to shower and eat. I get scared. Sometimes the anxiety is so bad I can't answer the phone or make important calls i need to. Sometimes I can't go to places I want to or do things I want because I'm afraid everyone is scrutinizing my every move. I'm not that self centered but that's what my anxiety tell me even if I logically tell myself no one even cares.

It's a struggle because I truly want to do these things. But from now on I'm just going to try to live by "just get up and go". In reality it's not just get up and go. I have to psyche myself up for it. Make myself feel willing and able. If i can't that's fine, I'll try again. If i can, even better.

What I'm really trying to say is I'm trying to help myself. Put on makeup so I feel better about being "looked at", forcing myself to go out and do things so I don't waste away, writing in my blog. I'm sorry I really haven't written. I probably still won't be consistent, but I am trying.